everybody dies grace, it’s just like shedding skin
but i’m not ready to die
i’m in a room. it reminds me of those who are not ready to let go of the 70’s. campy. golden. shiny. animal print. the decor is over the top. ridiculous. is this what hell is like?
he is working out my kinks. at least that’s what he tells me. massaging my lower abdomen. i see the light radiating. flowing. glowing. bright. i see my sacral chakra opening up. before i even knew what chakras were. but is the light coming in or is he sucking it out of me? am i paranoid for thinking this?
my paranoia is blocking me. my inner light. closing the channel. a battle between my higher self and this earth being i am stuck in. when i let go of my paranoid thoughts, the light flows. i can’t tell if its inward or outward. it feels good.
eyes closed. deep breaths. sitting in the middle of the room, but i no longer feel stuck there. i’m moving faster than i’ve ever moved before, through a tunnel. mostly white with metallic and neon details. everyone else in the room is moving with me. they’ve jumped into my mind and we are going somewhere. i feel their excitement.
“you’re doing great, keep it up,” he says.
i feel the breath escaping me. i am a balloon. deflating. dying. and then, just before the last bit of air escapes, a paranoid thought. a flashback.
“I could use some fresh vitality and youth,” she says, licking her lips. smiling and looking at him. then looking at me.
eyes still closed, i smell something nauseating. a crisp, piercing scent of a pocket that has been hiding beneath the earth for ages and has just opened up. i am headed straight toward the smell. i must open my eyes. i must get out of this tunnel. i don’t want to go any further.
not today. not here. not with them.
“grace is more difficult than we expected,” he says.
perhaps the paranoia is intuition in disguise. whatever it is, i trust it. i have no choice. it’s acting like an alarm clock buzzing in my ear. abandon ship. i do not want to get stuck wherever they’re taking me. i’m not going to shed my skin in this awful place.