the wolf

i’m looking for the bathroom but get lost along the way. i don’t mind. i never do.  but especially here. there is an abundance of pillows and the view is probably spectacular. the walls are made of windows and sliding doors.  it’s hard to tell one from the other. its like a beach house. a translucent box on a wooden porch built on top of sand near water. there are other glass structures on this porch. i chose to get lost in this one.

it’s about to rain. maybe even storm. windows begin to fog up. rain drops soaking into the wood on the porch. but the sun is still radiating light. the same kind of light that blankets your face and gently nudges you to wake up when you know you have another hour before the alarm goes off. allowing you to doze off. your eyes are closed. but the light is still there. nature’s snooze button.
i have a front row seat to the storm. looking out onto the porch. forgetting what time it is and remembering what time is. an illusion.
i see a small brown bear pacing the porch. no not a bear. a wolf. back and forth. circling.  i almost don’t believe my eyes and  i start to wonder why he’s here. perhaps he is looking for something. perhaps he is lost.
alert. alert. this porch is now on lock down. just like a disaster drill in school. but it’s not a drill this time. stay away from the glass. i’ve been told i’ll be safe if i hide behind these walls. out of sight.
they fear the wolf. they want to get rid of him. a team of large men are sent to attack. there are seven of them and the one with grey hair and khaki pants is the leader.  i must confess that i’m enjoying the chaos. high on adrenaline. it’s entertaining. besides, the danger is on the other side. i’m safe here in my room full of pillows. i’m comfortable. i’m bored.
i get up and edge toward the window to get a better view. edging toward danger. feeling compelled to open the sliding door. I have always enjoyed playing with fire. i crack the door and before the wet air even has a chance to brush my face, a mans  voice comes barking over a loudspeaker,
“close that door, grace,” it echoes.
there’s urgency in his voice. i didn’t know i was being watched. i feel violated. like i can’t be trusted to make my own decisions. what’s the big deal anyway? it’s just a wolf. not much different than us humans. I’d probably be pretty bitter  if alarms are sounded everywhere i go. constantly attacked and reminded that i’m not welcome.
nonetheless i comply. following the orders. attempting to shut the door. the harder i try, the more they start to wobble. coming loose. off their hinges. for a structure so technologically advanced, it seems silly that the doors are so loose. a man joins my deflated effort to shut the doors. shuffling as they wobble. probably doing more damage than help.
the wolf smells panic and turns his head. we’ve been spotted. i know what’s next.
he walks my way and pushes through the door. game over. i can no longer hide behind these walls of glass. i accept my fate. i trust the wolf. i trust myself. i come in peace. i brace for the impact. he walks over and shoves his head against mine. i push him off. he is soft like a pillow.
as he rebounds, i manage to catch a glimpse of his piercing blue eyes. or rather, they catch me. in our brief moment, i witness a haunting type of beautiful. a beauty you can’t unsee.  screaming. crying for help. trapped in this misunderstood vessel. he doesn’t know his own strength. he just wants to find home. his jaw comes toward my neck. i have no fear. for the bite is just a nibble. i feel no pain. it tickles. i feel love. and the blanket of light nudges me…. time to wake up.
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